I have been pondering my parenting expectations. ha.In doing so, I have decided that what I really want of my boys is "finished". Yep, I want my kids to live immaculately (squeaky clean, as if straight from a bubbly tub), and with laser precision (focused and exacting as a sharpshooter). And do it today, please. Doesn't that sound splendid?
Despite all the good that they do (just look at those six cute faces), I want more. I want perfect. You see, here's a taste-- I wish that they would thank me for the opportunity to say the family prayer and beg to teach Family Home Evening lessons. That they would jump up for Seminary at 5am with little hearts beating in anticipation of scripture study before school. That they always listened to my warnings and remember my very wise counsel. That they would would look forward to every single opportunity to enter in the Church building, and then would come home from each activity with big smiles on their faces. That they would open put their arms right around all of boys in their quorums, and develop talents and abilities to be servants and a unifiers. That they would love Scouting and want to be Eagles quickly, maybe by thirteen. That they would be jumping out of their socks over the new Duty to God program and work on it independently.
And with that laundry list of expectations, there is no doubt as to why sometimes I feel discouraged-- which, you know, can become an issue in one's job satisfaction.
One day recently I had the thought that I ought to take a peek into the way that Heavenly Father parents His children and figure out what His expectations are for us in our mortal journey. (Why this hadn't occured to me before makes me look rather silly, but it hadn't and I am bravely admitting it here.) So I put on my safari hat and went on an expedition....
Because we know some of what occurred in the courts of heaven, we know that we loved Heavenly Father's plan complete with agency and Atonement. In fact, it brought us so much happiness that we shouted for joy. (Job 38:7) And, with our own will and because of our testimonies of Christ (Rev 12:11), we flat out rejected Lucifer's opposing idea of coercion and compulsion.
Concerning the War in Heaven-- "The war broke out because one-third of the spirits refused to accept the appointment of Jesus Christ as the Savior. Such a refusal was a rebellion against the Father’s plan of redemption. It was evident that if given agency, some persons would fall short of complete salvation; Lucifer and his followers wanted salvation to come automatically to all who passed through mortality, without regard to individual preference, agency, or voluntary dedication. Isa. 14: 12-20, Luke 10: 18, Rev. 12: 4-13, Moses 4: 1-4)." (Bible Dictionary, "War in Heaven")
So, what is wrong with this premortal rejoicer? Now that I am here on earth working The Plan, I don't always feel like shouting for joy about agency. Why is it that sometimes I am fighting the instinct to act out Satan's plan? Doesn't it sound so nice to set a course for your kids and then coddle and coo and lead and direct and coerce and drag and pull and tackle and yank them right across the finish line? OK, maybe not so much.
This reminds me of President Kimball's candor, "The Lord is omnipotent, with all power to control our lives, save us pain, prevent all accidents, drive all planes and cars, feed us, protect us, save us from labor, effort, sickness, even from death, if he will. But he will not. We should be able to understand this, because we can realize how unwise it would be for us to shield our children from all effort, from disappointments, temptations, sorrows, and suffering. The basic gospel law is free agency and eternal development. To force us to be careful or righteous would be to nullify that fundamental law and make growth impossible.
And also this: "Being human, we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors." (Death: Tragedy or Destiny, Spencer W Kimball,)
Yes, I would do that for my kids-- control, save, prevent, drive, feed, shield. Yes, that is me. There, my friends, is another one of those staggeringly plentiful, like a gazillion, data points proving, yet again, that I am ever so very much human. But I think that President Kimball gets a little too personal when he calls me "unwise" and "the one who nullifies".
Drat!
And that insight into myself puts me right back into my safari hat. I have just got to understand Heavenly Father's parenting ASAP. It is so important that I figure out the art of "lead and guide while respecting agency and development" and dispose of "make and force".
So, here we go:
Heavenly Father expects that our development will be gradual--
"...line upon line and precept upon receipt..." (Isaiah 28:10)
"...grace for grace..." (D&C 93:12)
"...here a little, there a little..." (Isaiah 28:10)
"...Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and favor with God and man."(Luke 2:52)
Heavenly Father provided His children a Savior to make repentance possible because He knew that we would make mistakes and fall short--
In the great council in heaven, God, presented as part of The Plan, a Savior. In His omniscience, He knew that it would be impossible to navigate life without mistake. He knew that we needed a ransom and an advocate. Christ paid the price for our sins in the Garden of Gethsemane so through repentance we can be clean.
"…because of the Atonement, (we) could learn from (our) experience without being condemned by it.” ("The Atonement: All for All”, Elder Bruce C. Hafen, CR April 2004)
"...I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent...which suffered caused myself, even God, ...to tremble because of pain and to bleed at every pore, and suffer both body and spirit... nevertheless, glory be to the Father, I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men." (D&C 19:16)
"...For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)
"...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow..." (Isaiah 1:18)
Heavenly Father is a perfect judge and disciplinarian. He executes the very most mercy possible, and requires the very least justice possible--
“I feel that [the Savior] will give that punishment which is the very least that our transgression will justify. I believe that he will bring into his justice all of the infinite love and blessing and mercy and kindness and understanding which he has. And on the other hand, I believe that when it comes to making the rewards for our good conduct, he will give us the maximum that it is possible to give, having in mind the offense which we have committed.” (J Rueben Clark)
Heavenly Father protects agency and "will never force the human mind"--
"...Satan rebelled against Me and sought to destroy the agency of man for which, I the Lord, had given him....(therefore) I caused that he should be cast down." (Moses 4:3)
"...I gave unto man their knowledge, and... I gave unto man their agency..." (Moses 7:32)
"...men are free according to the flesh...they are free to choose..." (2 Nephi 2:27)
"...you are free, you are permitted to act for yourself..." (Helaman 14:30)
"...you are made free..." (D&C 88:86)
Heavenly Father values opposition in all things--
"...For it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things." (2 Nephi 10:11)
"...man could not act for himself save it should be that he was enticed by one or the other." (2 Nephi 2:16)
(Heavenly Father talking about Adam) "...the man has become as one of us to know good from evil..." (Moses 4:28)
Heavenly Father gives His children opportunities to prove themselves--
"...I will prove you in all things, whether you will abide in my covenant" (D&C 98:14)
"...we will prove them herewith to see if they will do all things which we commanded them." (Abraham 3:25)
"...this life became a probationary state, a time to prepare to meet God..." (Alma 12:24)
Heavenly Father keeps our potential in mind--
"...Remember, the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." (D&C 18:10)
"...Ye are gods, and children of the most high." (Psalms 82:6)
"...I will make a man more precious than fine gold." (Isaiah 13:12)
"...What is man? ...Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels." (Psalms 8:4-5)
"...The Spirit itself beareth witness (that) we are the children of God."(Romans 8:16)
"...among these (intelligences/spirits) were many of the great and noble ones..." (Abraham 3:22)
Heavenly Father loves His children--
"...I am encircled eternally in the arms of His love..." (1 Nephi 1:15)
"...God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son..." (John 3:16)
"...The God of Heaven looked down upon the residue of the people, and He wept (beacuse of their iniquity)." (Moses 7:28)
Heavenly Father knows that, through Christ, ALL experience can turn for our good--
"...all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good..." (D&C 122:7)
"...All things work together for good, to them that love God." (Romans 8:28)
