My Dad tells me that he was impressed with and grateful for her capacity, talent and efficiency with the home and children. Working in tandem, he knew he had a role as a provider and a spiritual guider, but beyond that, he didn't exactly know what it was that he contributed to our family life, especially the child-rearing.
One day, my dad had a young 40-something year old heart attack. After some days of hospitalization, he was visited by my oldest sister, Alison. She encouraged him to get better, "Hurry! We need you at home!" She told him that things were kind of chaotic without him.
My dad tells me that that plea from a teen-age daughter was insight into family influence that he hadn't before recognized completely. "I learned that I was a stabilizing force for our family. That I was steady, kept things positive, and on even-keel emotionally." To this day, he gets a little teary when he tells this story because it was such an important lesson for him to learn-- even with a capable mother, our family needed HIM!
I agree with my sisters long-ago assessment, families need fathers. I needed my dad's kind encouragement, his predictable reactions, his weakness for spoiling this daughter. I needed his wise, measured counsel, his Gospel instruction, and his pillow fights. I needed LeGrande Richards read out loud to me, regular scripture study, and his kind, approving looks. I needed to play hide and seek with him, even though we knew he would always be found in the bathtub. I needed his example of hard work and sacrifice, the use of his beat-up pick up truck, and his kneeling prayers at dinner time. I needed more than provisions, I needed a father in the deepest most sacred use of that word.
"We believe in fathers. We believe in 'the ideal of the man' who puts his family first...We believe that far from being superfluous, fathers are unique and irreplaceable."
I recently listened to a BYU-I devotional spoken by a Child Development/Marriage and Family Studies professor, Tim Rarick. He taught me that a man hasn't even really been introduced to their potential and life's mission until they have prepared for, embraced, and then magnified their role as a father. His words corrected the perception that success in church service, societal influence, and bread-winning completely meet the requirements that God has for men. He said, "sometimes I think that we ...speak of wanting to become like our Heavenly Father by developing His knowledge and perfect attributes, without focusing on becoming what He is: a parent—more specifically, a father." (2)
Brother Rarick quoted the Church's manual titled 'A Parent’s Guide': “Since a major purpose of our mortal existence is to become like our Heavenly Father…the ultimate goal of a man or boy is to become an effective husband and father..." (3) Then He concluded, "(Fatherhood) is how men reach the full measure of their creation. Brethren, if your goal is exaltation, your goal is fatherhood." (4)
"If your goal is exaltation, your goal is fatherhood"-- this is amazing doctrine.
This is not a statement of biology, this is a clarion call for men to rise to the role of being an intentional, focused parent.
Perhaps we focus too much on the father's responsibilities outside of the home. Is he a resource-gatherer? A family provider? Yes. Emphatically. In fact Elder Christofferson stated, "Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Fathers manifest that love as they lay down their lives day by day, laboring in the service and support of their families." (5) Isn't that beautiful! And does a father have duties in God's Kingdom? Yes. Absolutely. He bears the Priesthood and serves to bring people to Christ through ordinances and covenants. But, a man's development, even in all of the good he does elsewhere, is incomplete until he embraces being a father. Until he lets the experiences of caring for children, in their weakness and complexity, become his passion. His development opportunity. His life's purpose.
These couple of weeks between mid-May and mid-June where we celebrate motherhood and fatherhood, are an annual, respectful bow to the two most influential roles that a human could ever play. If the families of the world were led by women who were singularly-focused, purposed mothers, and by men who were were taking care of their families physical needs and were involved fathers, then !ta da! many of the societal ills that plague us today would find resolution.
Yes, we believe in fathers and fatherhood. We believe in the strength, goodness and worth of men. We believe in their invaluable contribution to families. Kudos to the great men on this earth.
Happy Father's Day!
(1) Fathers, D Todd Christofferson, Apr 2016 GC
(2) "Men Are That They Might Be Fathers", Tim Rarick, BYU-I Devotional, May 18, 2018
(3) A Parent’s Guide (manual, 1985); lds.org.
(4) "Men Are That They Might Be Fathers", Tim Rarick, BYU-I Devotional, May 18, 2018
(5) Fathers, D Todd Christofferson, Apr 2016 GC
