Hold On World! Men Can Be Gentlemen!

So, social media is aflame this weekend with video of the lewd and tawdry coming out of the mouth of a presidential candidate when he spoke about interacting with daughters of God. This video clip was not too much a shocking revelation to me, but, I've got to say, the public reaction has been.

We have seen politicians, movie stars and others weighing in, telling us that this behavior is exactly what one expects from men and that we are being too hard on the candidate.  But it was this ditty from a woman that especially bothered me:

"I am a woman and I proudly support (the candidate).  I don't care what (he) said about women.  If there is a male out there who has never made a vulgar statement about a woman in a private conversation with another male, then congratulations....you should enter the priesthood." (1) And even more shocking to me was the string of women whole-heatedly agreeing, "Yes. Yes", "My thoughts exactly", and even, "I just wish I had written this".

Hold on World!  

Women don't care about men's vulgarity? Yes, we do. Dirty men, hurt women.  Please care about that.  All men are course?  Oh, please, please don't believe this damaging view.  Men are NOT inherently raw and crass. We should not be callously expecting it of them. A man who is filthy has chosen to be filthy. And men could, instead, choose to be moral and refined.

I think that this misunderstanding deserves a little dive into God's doctrines....

In the first place, we are children of Deity. The soul of man is born of God. Our spiritual heritage is that of loving truth and good. Even though we are living away from Him now, yearnings to follow God are "still deep in our souls". (2) 

God's perfect plan was for us, His spirit children, to come to earth and receive a physical body. This body of ours is a wonderful gift.  It is the temple of our eternal spirit come from God.  Some believe that a body is a liability and that we bow to its desires, but this is not true. Because we have a physical body, we are MORE like our Heavenly Father, not less. (3)

The Fall brought us into a world that is "natural"-- meaning that there is opposition from an adversary who hates God's plan and covets our bodies.  Because of this antagonism, there are opportunities for us to sin, but don't forget, also boundless opportunity for good.  While temptation makes our bodies vulnerable to or subject to temptations of the flesh, that vulnerability does not define children of God.

I am uncomfortable with the erroneous idea that our trial in life is to be ever-taming and keeping at bay what some say are inborn desires of our physical bodies. That sounds like the description of an animal, not a child of God. 

We must remember that "Jesus was also a Being of flesh and spirit, but yielded not to temptation." (4)  It was never designed that man should naturally do and love evil. (5) Instead, it is natural for the child of God to be influenced by the Spirit of God. (6)

Our bodies are not some force ruling over us that we can't beat-- there is always choice. We are agents unto ourselves. (7) We can decide how to respond to temptations and inclinations.  A boorish man has nurtured and coddled the raw and unworthy.  But, the polite and respectful man has cultured what is clean.  "It is just as easy to keep the commandments of God as it is to break them." (8)  "The natural man is the earthy man who has allowed rude animal passions to overshadow his spiritual inclinations." (9) "The natural man is a man who is functioning without the Spirit or the Holy Ghost". (10)  

Our bodies are so precious that they were bought with a price-- the sinless suffering and death of Jesus Christ. (11)  And "...every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the His Atonement." (12)

Every single one.

So there.  It is worse than misguided to just accept that men talk this way and act this way. 

Men of God do not. 


So that begs a look at one more response to the candidate and his video-- "Hey, He apologized.  Everyone makes mistakes".

For which I respond with all sorts of grateful knowing, "Yes. We do make mistakes", and I am grateful to know that because of the precious sacrifice of Jesus Christ, woman and men can change.  And I am thankful that who we were, doesn't have to be who we are. (13) 

Let God engage in the repentance process of individuals and, Him alone, be the judge of ultimate salvation. But, I do have a responsibility.  And that is to judge the things around me everyday so that I know how to act. (14)  When entering the polls to choose the leader of the free world, I have to ask myself to consider the character of someone who has those kinds of unrefined and immoral thoughts and words.

(1) Jan Morgan
(2) Jeffrey Holland, "Christ and the New Covenant", pg 205-7
(3) "The Sanctity of the Body", Susan Tanner, GC Oct 2005
(4) DTodd Christofferson, "That They May Be One in Us". GC Apr 2002   (Mosiah 15:5)
(5) Brigham Young, J of D, 9:305
(6) Brigham Young, J of D 6:330
(7) D and C 58:28
(8) Joseph Fielding Smith, New Era, July 1972, page 23
(9) Spencer W Kimball, "Ocean Currents and Family Influences", Ensign, June 1984
(10) Spencer W Kimball, "Ocean Currents and Family Influences", Ensign, June 1984
(11) 1 Corinthians 6:20
(12) We Believe In Being Chaste", DAB, GC Apr 2013
(13) Elder Renlund, April 2015 GC talk, "Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying"
(14) Dallin Oaks, "Judge Not and Judging, Mar 1998, BYU Devotional

Marriage = The Work of The Father Continued

I am shoulder-deep in thinking about marriage and family right now. For nearly one year I have been working on our Stake's strengthening the family fair, "Family Strong",  with the objective of sharing with our Stake and her communities why Latter-day Saints "do" family.  As a result, the societal goal of strong families has rested heavy on my mind and heart.

A scripture has really stood out to me doctrinally: "...it is the opportunity and responsibility of wives (and husbands) to 'multiply and replenish the earth...(and) to fulfill the promise which was given by (The) Father"... (to exalt) His children."  He continues, "That they might bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of The Father continued." (132:62)

Let's explore, "herein is the work of The Father continued".  

We know that God's work is the immortality and eternal life of His children (Moses 1:39) and in the scripture above, God stated that the work of family is to continue His saving work.  This makes family a loving, teaching, caring bridge, from God's arms premortally to God's arms eternally.  These relationships are covenanted partnerships to love and care for each other, back into the presence of the Lord.

Now I think most people get this in regards to children that come to a union.  But what of the union itself? 

It's a no-brainer question. Marriage is the foundation of the family and the responsibilities to each other are the same.  The civil marriage ceremony gets it right-- a couple is to love, honor, cherish through sickness and health and whatever befalls it, for the entirety of life.  And beyond that, the Gospel teaches that "...marriages are meant to last forever." ("In Praise of Those Who Save", Elder Uchtdorf, GC April 2016)

Vows have purpose in contracting a man and a women into the saving work of God. That means that a married person's first concern in life is the care and happiness of his spouse.  At the altar we promise our most sincere efforts for safe delivery of that partner back to our Heavenly Father.

This idea breathes new meaning for me into Dietrich Bonhoeffer's "Letters and Papers from Prison" where he states that: “Marriage is more than your love for each other. … In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal—it is a status, an office.” (as quoted by, "Why Marriage, Why Family?", Elder Christofferson, GC April 2015)

You see, your happiness and even your own "private possession of love" belongs to you, but marriage is different.  In the marital covenant you are standing at a post of responsibility, in a status or office to that spouse.  You are the guardian of their feelings, comfort, and care.  You are like a soldier at the castle's walls defending and protecting your spouse. You are the servant caring for needs and being ever solicitous.  You are the garden staff making life beautiful. You are, in every unselfish way, continuing the work of The Father for your beloved.

The scriptures share descriptions of what a couple aspires to and owes to one another:

Genesis 2:18 "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
D and C 42:22 "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else."
1 Corinthians 11:11 "Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord."
Ephesians 5:25,28 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself;  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh; let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."


It is good to remember that marriages are a "faith-based work" -- meaning that we go into it, quite probably naive, but with a heart full of hope in Christ. In times of trouble, we seem to think that we were promised a healthy, long life of happiness and security with a best friend.  No.  What we were promised was a probationary state.  What we were promised was an opportunity to prove, test, refine, and sanctify a marriage relationship so that it will last into the eternities-- celestially.

Elder Jensen said, "None of us knows when we marry what life will bring in terms of health challenges, financial setbacks, or even transgressions. Giving ourselves to one another in an eternal marriage is an unconditional giving of the whole person for the whole journey. In an eternal marriage, the thought of ending what began with a covenant between God and each other simply has little place. When challenges come and our individual weaknesses are revealed, the remedy is to repent, improve, and apologize, not to separate or divorce. When we make covenants with the Lord and our eternal companion, we should do everything in our power to honor the terms. (Marlin K. Jensen, “A Union of Love and Understanding,” Ensign, Oct. 1994, 47)

Elder Packer confirmed, "Marriage is not without trials of many kinds. These tests forge virtue and strength. The tempering that comes in marriage and family life produces men and women who will someday be exalted." (Boyd K. Packer, “Marriage,” Ensign, May 1981, 13)

Marriage trouble and divorce is rooted in selfishness.  It is when one or both spouses have taken their eyes off of the care of their partner and have turned them squarely to themselves. The common justifications are me-centered: "I'm not happy anymore.  I haven't been happy for a while.  I don't love you anymore."

Whoa, slow down, Buster.  You promised.

"When one accepts the conditions and obligations of this eternal partnership, he must realize that failure here is almost total failure. Whatever his successes may be in other fields of activity, if a man fails to discharge the obligations imposed by the eternal covenant, the appalling penalty will be the loss of celestial glory, accompanied by responsibility for the losses sustained by those with whom he made the contract and for whom he is responsible." (Hugh B. Brown, “The LDS Concept of Marriage,” Ensign, Jan. 1972, 60)

One might ask, what happens when one partner is still in it, but the spouse is giving up?  I don't know.  It's hard.  But my gut is that you should view it in the same way that you would a prodigal, rebellious child.  Stay. Try. Turn on your total unselfishness, even though you are wounded, too.  Look outward.  Be committed.  Take care of them.  Show them love. Extend mercy.  Be patient.  Take the long view.  Wait it out.  Repent of your own weakness.  Pour on compassion and caring.  Trust that God loves this partnership more than you do and He will help.  Remember that don't have to do it alone.  Marriage is the great trifecta--You will always have Christ.

I watched a video on the Internet recently where the woman was speaking with candor about a husband's trouble.  Paraphrased, she said, "If I leave, then he deals with this alone, or else the problem transfers to another."  I heard in her words, "I can’t do that because he is my covenanted duty and responsibility."   I heard her imply that she felt the obligation to care for him and not delegate that to anyone else.  That during the time that he was weak, she saw herself as the custodian of their covenant.

This is so beautiful to me.  I think it is realistic. There might possibly be times when one carries the covenant, and times when the other takes a turn.  But they do it with this as the goal-- an eventual heaven with two healthy adults whose number one objective is the happiness and salvation of each other.  Marriage equals the work of The Father continued.  We have got to hold on tight.