Each time I visit Nauvoo something new strikes me profoundly. This time I fell in love with those star windows that completely surround the upper level of the Nauvoo Temple. I bought myself a six inch, stained glass replica at the Mercantile and I am happy to have it hanging from my pot rack in the kitchen. They tell me that the inverted star was a symbol of Christ from the 3rd century AD and that the pioneers used it in their architecture so that all who came upon the temple would know that it was a house of worship built to Jesus Christ. I admired their beauty for days.While the boys waited for Ziggie's pizza on Friday night, I walked across the street to the Allyn House. This is the souvenir shop where the above display of the temple windows rests. I did not realize it until that moment, but the owner of the shop is Charles Allen, who made ALL of the windows and the front doors for the rebuilt Nauvoo Temple. Because it was already "all about the windows" for me during this visit, I purchased his book, "The Window Maker", and read it completely over the next couple of days.
I was fascinated by the detail Brother Allen shared into what it took to make these windows with 19th Century techniques. It was so inspiring to read his journal entries that described "sash" and "jamb", white pine with low humidity, 2.35 miles long of 3/8" putty applied by hand, and true Dutch paint and it's unique properties. I also loved reading about the constant flow of revelation that Mr Allen described as he worked at solving problems and securing every detail and supply. The book was such a testament to the Lord's hand in our lives.
Also included in the text of the book, Brother Allen shared his feelings about the project. While filled with gratitude for the importance of what he had been asked to do, Brother Allen still struggled with feelings of inadequacy. He felt heavily dependent on prayer to show him what to do in a work that he sensed was bigger than he was. He knew that the commission to build the windows was from God, but still struggled with the day to day challenges of the job. He received answers to complicating factors and things that were befuddling in the night, at dawn, while driving, through other people. He worked long and hard, woke in the middle of the night worried, and needed frequent reassurance.
Laying on my Nauvoo hotel room bed with a view of the magnificent Temple out the window, I wondered a little what Brother Allen was so worried about. For heaven's sake, his product was heart-stoppingly beautiful. The windows were stunning and perfect. He was perfect for the job. It was obvious to me that God had used Brother Allen's unique gifts to work a miracle.
Midway through the book, I realized that Charles Allen and his window-making mission was becoming a "type" to me. Yes, this window maker was starting to tell my story. On page 99, I wrote in the margins, "I am so moved by this obscure application to MY mission-- God-given. The night-wakes with insights, feeling the need for specific direction, the uneasiness, the need for reassurance, the feelings of inadequacy. I see in Charles Allen's miracle, mine. The miracle is the silent hand of the Lord."
While my mission is not window making, I am equally committed to mothering. I want to do a good job. I want to do it in a way that pleases the Lord. I want to build a beautiful temple. Like Brother Allen's story, it is sometimes hard to tell, in the middle of construction, what the product will be. I feel discouraged and unfit. It's hard to measure success or progress. I struggle for answers. I wonder if I am really building anything at all.
But sitting in my hotel room with that gorgeous edifice shining through the window, I understood some things. Despite the uncomfortable journey full of doubts and discouragement, Charles Allen's mission was completed in the beautiful Nauvoo Temple. I wished that Brother Allen had been able to see the profound loveliness of his mission while he was struggling so he didn't need to stress so much during construction.
And right then and there, I knew the partial answer why. Because there I was, some years later, staring at his finished product in awe. Knowing some of his struggle but, here I was looking at the product of his efforts and it was glorious. Maybe, just maybe, my temple would be lovely, too. That idea filled me with faith and hope.
And further, I can't even express how grateful I am for this inspired application. I am amazed and grateful by how the Lord speaks to us. Why did I feel so drawn to the windows this time in Nauvoo? Why would I have left the family to walk to the Allyn House? Why, when inside, would I have had the good fortune of meeting Brother Allen's wife? Why would I have found my way to the corner of the store where his books lay? Why would I have paid the exorbitant price for the book? How is it that Lord can take someone else's story and make it yours? The answer to all of these questions is because I needed this message. "You're at ground level and it is hard to see progress, but YOU are building a temple and it will be glorious."
I bought myself a six inch, stained glass replica of the star windows at the Mercantile and I am happy to have it hanging from my pot rack in the kitchen to remind me of this dear message.
(I sent this post to Brother Allen. Here was his response.) Dear Valerie, Thank you for sharing your feelings after purchasing and reading Window Maker after a visit to our store. I am always humbled and overwhelmed by what people get out of my experiences as written in Window Maker. I am glad the book was of help to you and hearing your testimony makes writing the book so worthwhile. Sincerely, Charles W. Allen)
