little boy on loan
how long, I do not know
slow down speeding days
You see, my younger brother, Michael, was battling a serious congenital heart defect that would take his life. My mom knew that with Micheal, time was a precious commodity. She knew that this was a "boy on loan" and begged that the passage of days and hours and minutes would tick by very slowly. When he died, my Mom felt that thirteen years had not been enough time.
I have thought long on the idea that our children are "on loan". This mothering/banking analogy speaks to me. Any credible "lender" has expectations for the one to whom he granted custody. It is a trust. And for it to be a good investment, the lender wants a return on his asset. In the case of children, God is the lender, and mothers, the primary custodian and curator and developer.
Elder H. Burke Peterson quoted the song "To A Child": "..children are not a gift to us, but a precious loan, a priceless loan to be returned-- returned more valuable than when we received them. Understanding more, better prepared to return to Him who lent them to us."(1)
This is the doctrine-- "...the opportunity and responsibility of wives is 'to multiply and replenish the earth', ..and to fulfill the promise (of salvation and exaltation) which was given by the Father before the foundation of the world,...that (mothers) may bear (and not just at birth, but bear them for life) the souls of men; for herein is the (saving) work of my Father continued..." (2) The work of mothers is "the work of The Father continued." Mothers are nurturing, teaching, caring "bridges"-- from God's arms premortally, back to God's arms eternally. Mothering is Heavenly Father's "work" of salvation continued in the life of every child, until they are secured by Christ and safely delivered back their heavenly home.
This is a concept that Susannah Wesley understood. She was the mother of nineteen, one of whom was the great Reformer and founder of the Methodist Church, John Wesley. She felt it was her Divine charge to consecrate "above twenty years of the prime of life" to the rearing of kids. To what end? "...in hopes of saving the souls of (my) children."
She continued, "I...look upon every soul you leave under my care as a 'talent' committed to me under a trust, (from) the Lord of all the families of Heaven and earth. And if I am unfaithful to Him...in neglecting to improve these 'talents', how shall I answer unto Him when he shall command me to render an account of my stewardships." (3)
Susannah Wesley asks the salient, weighty question, How can I answer to Him if I have not given the children of my charge my all? My everything. My best. My mind. My heart. My time.
I believe that my mom was insightful when she suggested that time with children was precious. Quality time, yes! This is when we are staring into the whites of our kids' eyes-- listening, teaching, empathizing, laughing, playing, building. Times of true mothering magic.
But, twenty-four years and a passel of boys later, I have learned that quality time is born of quantity time. In a very real way, my job is to be 'hanging around' waiting to be needed. Milling and vigilantly watching for crisis, emotion, interpersonal tangles, a teachable heart, a humble disposition, oversight needs, correction, and for just the right time to show love and praise. You can't schedule that stuff. You can't predict it or anticipate it very well. It happens because you are there.
I am pretty sure that this was what President Benson meant when he advised mothers, "Be at the crossroads ... always be at (there) when your children are either coming or going- -when they leave and return --when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen ." (4)
And while I am 'standing by' and 'on call' for such moments, I nurture. I nurture by preparing meals, taxi-ing, folding socks, weeding the garden, sweeping and mopping. I am like a stealthy spy, posing as a laundress or chef, but really lying in wait for the precious moments when I pop out and become psychiatrist, counselor, cheerleader, nurse, teacher, confidant, advisor, clown, friend. The times when we mothers can, in very real ways, save.
I am pretty sure that I will feel most prepared to meet the Lord of the "talents" if I can stand before Him and declare with confidence that my mothering attention was undivided, concentrated, and intentional.
Mother-on!
Valerie
(1) "Mother, Catch the Vision of Your Call", H. Burke Peterson, April 1974 GC
(2) D and C 132:63. "To the Mothers in Zion", President Ezra Taft Benson, Address given at a Fireside for Parents, 22 February 1987
(3) Franklin Wilder, Immortal Mother, New York: Vantage Press, 1966, p 43
(4) "To the Mothers in Zion", President Ezra Taft Benson, Fireside for Parents, 22 February 1987
