I listened to a John L. Lund Family Expo address on BYU-TV this week. ("The Art of Raising Teenagers-- and Other Miracles, John L Lund, Family Expo, April 3, 2000) Since that time I have had several opportunities to think about and apply Dr Lund's definition of parenting:
"The art of parenting is the skill to gradually transfer responsibility for life from a parent to a child based on maturity and ability."
A little baby comes so helpless and has a total dependence on a parent for life, but as they grow and develop they can do so much for themselves. A parent's goal is to constantly be evaluating the child's maturity and ability, then line upon line turn responsibility to them for their needs. The eventual goal is to produce a young adult with all of the skills that he needs to sustain himself independently. To me, it sounds like a good parent would gradually work herself right out of a job.
It sounds simple, but Dr Lund reminded listeners that each child develops very differently. "I had eight children who required eight different parenting plans." I agree with this. What one struggles with, comes naturally for another. Talents here, are weaknesses there. To achieve the desired end-result a parent must be tenacious-- constantly evaluating and adjusting the teaching plan.
A couple of times this week I have thought, "Hmmmm. This kid wants responsibility that is beyond his ability and maturity." And I have also caught myself thinking, "Yes, I do believe he is ready to take charge of that for himself now." Dr Lund's definition of successful parenting has already been a really helpful tool for me.
One more thing that seemed clever was a slide comparing and contrasting parental values to the values of a teenager. I was surprised to see that they run in direct opposition to each other. I guess that this leaves no mystery as to why parents and teens are at odds sometimes. Dr Lund said:
Teens value Freedom, Friends, Fun, Privacy, and The Present.
Parents value Responsibility, Family, Safety, Open Communication, and The Future.
