When I was teenager, I babysat regularly for a family in the neighborhood I was surprised when one day the mother got tired and worn and so she took a sabbatical from mothering (which is a nice way to say that she quit) Heroics from the father, but still a sad situation. At the time, I didn't know that a mother could do that. My mom worked tirelessly. She had a big job with eight kids and a couple of those had heavy health concerns. She took to her bedroom in distress occasionally, but she always recovered to care for our large family with a lot of love and purpose. Heroics from my mother.
I was (very un-heroically) having a moment the other day-- telling a friend about some parenting woes. She suggested that I allow my crew to understand life without me-- for just a few minutes. I surprised myself with a reply. What spilled out of my mouth were words that I had never heard myself speak before, but I immediately believed them. It felt good to declare my root intentions and motivations in this job.
I told her softly-- "I can't, because I answer to someone higher than my family. I serve them with all my heart and soul for God, not for me,. I don't escape or walk away because my call came from Heavenly Father. I serve at His pleasure My objective is His objective-- the salvation of these precious souls. I serve to that end. I do not parent for praise or thanks. I am serving God and I want to please Him."
That realization came from somewhere deep inside me and I didn't even know that it was there. But, like I said, I believed it immediately.
Eliza R Snow once said, "Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us..."
So there you go.
I am in the midst of collecting meaningful Conference quotes from my marked up Ensigns and came upon a 2011 Paul V Johnson quote that mirrored a Neil Anderson quote from last Conference. They were both exploring what kind of test or trails would most effectively test and try us. I think that they both suggested that those things that dwell in the softest places in our heart are where we can be stretched the very best.
"These fiery trials are designed to make you stronger...They take root in our weaknesses, our vulnerabilities, our sensitivities, or in those things that matter most to us..." ("Trial of Your Faith", Neil Anderson, GC Oct 2012)
"At times it may seem that our trials are focused on areas of our lives and parts of our souls with which we seem least able to cope. Since personal growth is an intended outcome of these challenges, it should come as no surprise that the trials can be very personal—almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses." (Paul Johnson, GC May 2011 "More Than Conquerors")
Instead of reading "weaknesses", "vulnerabilities", "sensitivities" as parts of us that are floppy and need strengthening, I read those words to mean, "the things most dear to us". Even perceived strengths. Things that we labor over and love. Those are soft places where we are most sensitive and vulnerable. Trials in those areas will no doubt provide stretch and growth that is uncomfortable, but effective in turning our souls to Christ and His Atonement.
There is no doubt that my heart's "soft spot" is this family. I have only rare aspirations outside of Greg and these boys. No one has to thank me for laundry or meals because folded socks and homemade dinners are self-satisfying to me. I love a tidy house. It gives me a charge. Everything is more fun if I have a boy in tow to talk to, learn from and teach. My heart is in this job.
I am pretty sure that my Mom felt the same way. She said this in her personal history:
"...(While at BYU), I became disenchanted with (my business) major and made an appointment with a counselor for some advice. He told me if I wanted to get married and have children he would advise me to either have a nursing, home economics or child development (HDFR) major. A Human Development and Family Relations major took a lot of teasing, with people saying all you wanted to do was get married. Some of my Honors Program friends scoffed saying "anyone could be a mother," but I had found my niche and was delighted with what I was learning."
My mom was a mother through and through. She canned and cooked meals with green salad. Tried new recipes. Budgeted. She taught us to clean and made job charts. She encouraged us with goals before Personal Progress existed in a program she made up called, "A Better Me". Even as a cranky teen, I sat at the bar stools while she cleaned the kitchen and talked and talked. She gathered us for movie nights. She encouraged good grades and extra curricular activities. She loved our friends and boyfriends and was always so friendly and fun when they were around. We worked in the yard, gardened and planted flowers. She loved spring bulbs and roses. She was home after school and waited up for us to come in at (or after) curfew.
I am sure that the softest spots in my mom's heart were home and family. I am also sure that her excruciating trials of life were the congenital heart defect of Michael (who had open heart surgery at 10 days old and then battled illness and weakness until his death at 14 years old), Nathan (who was hit by a car at 2 1/2 years old while playing in front of our home and was left with a lifetime of unique challenges from an injured brain), and my Dad's young heart attack. I shiver a little to remember my youthful folly and the grief I caused, especially with such serious things going on in the family. ugh. She told me (with a smile) as an adult that there were times in my teens when she didn't know which way I would go, "but I knew which ever way it was, you would go with passion, and would probably take people with you." ugh again.
I think that I can confirm that both Elder Johnson and Elder Anderson pegged it with my mom's challenges. They were "laser-guided" at the parts of her soul where she was "least able to cope." But, she never quit. Nothing close. She was a wonderful mother and I'm sure no one on earth understands the strength of her soul from having weathered these storms with faith.
